Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"