Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
