Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
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shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
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He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday