Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
