Buhtt sex?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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