Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now