hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
