I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?