She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
