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at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
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