I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"