He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.