he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
