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just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
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