Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.