I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
