everyone is single if you try hard enough
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...