True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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