Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.