I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
