he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night