She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This beer is not sobering me up at all
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive