two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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