as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
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So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"