A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
the liver wants what the liver wants
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
