My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.