My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.