her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
