They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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