We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?