She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
They took my balls.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.