It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
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i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.