I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
