That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
