she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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