who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just found puke in my bra..
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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