These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.