Texts From Last Night

Texts from August, 2012

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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally

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  (605): He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally http://tfl.nu/nljb
  Replies (3) Good night (325) Bad night (835) Order T-Shirt
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...

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  (615): He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing... http://tfl.nu/wirp
  Replies (13) Good night (374) Bad night (1854) Order T-Shirt
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.

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  (734): Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword. http://tfl.nu/ec7y
  Replies (1) Good night (785) Bad night (297) Order T-Shirt
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?

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  (512): I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high? http://tfl.nu/rga0
  Replies (3) Good night (726) Bad night (336) Order T-Shirt
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  (347): View more from New York

  She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.

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  (347): She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school. http://tfl.nu/qubm
  Replies (5) Good night (1610) Bad night (366) Order T-Shirt
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  yeah...that's gonna come up in court

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  (816): yeah...that's gonna come up in court http://tfl.nu/wily
  Replies (3) Good night (799) Bad night (542) Order T-Shirt
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.

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  (256): Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive. http://tfl.nu/eyz9
  Replies (8) Good night (755) Bad night (404) Order T-Shirt
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.

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  (715): After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted. http://tfl.nu/w4vl
  Replies (4) Good night (411) Bad night (991)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  (540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?

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  (540): (540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable? http://tfl.nu/oc1y
  Replies (4) Good night (746) Bad night (395)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.

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  (724): No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology. http://tfl.nu/e8xh
  Replies (8) Good night (3654) Bad night (490)
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  (+81): View more from

  I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?

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  (+81): I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing? http://tfl.nu/61om
  Replies (4) Good night (627) Bad night (243) Order T-Shirt
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  (831): View more from California

  Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out

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  (831): Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out http://tfl.nu/e8gp
  Replies (1) Good night (549) Bad night (320) Order T-Shirt
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws

  (416): View more from Toronto

  That explains the stains on my shirt

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  (647): You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws (416): That explains the stains on my shirt http://tfl.nu/ptlu
  Replies (3) Good night (1252) Bad night (383)
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  (714): View more from California

  Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?

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  (714): Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit? http://tfl.nu/0nii
  Replies (5) Good night (972) Bad night (436) Order T-Shirt
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  (253): View more from Washington

  I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.

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  (253): I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina. http://tfl.nu/kt7p
  Replies (10) Good night (484) Bad night (851) Order T-Shirt