On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.