All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
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I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
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I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.