So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
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That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
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Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"