he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Sorry my hands just texted you
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
