he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you