i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.