he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule