I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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