grandma shit on top of the toilet
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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