Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
So squirting runs in the family.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
