It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes