after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.