Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation