Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation