You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
