My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.