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i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
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