I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem