She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.