Texts From Last Night

Texts from June, 2009

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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk

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  (612): How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk http://tfl.nu/wp9g
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"

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  (440): so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport" http://tfl.nu/at20
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Who won?

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  All of them.

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  (225): I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away. (504): Who won? (225): All of them. http://tfl.nu/xlra
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  (914): View more from New York

  I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote

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  (914): I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote http://tfl.nu/0x07
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  (253): View more from Washington

  Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.

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  (253): Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper. http://tfl.nu/3leu
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  (101): View more from

  Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?

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  (101): Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person? http://tfl.nu/s1q0
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid

  (1-405): View more from Oklahoma

  Oh.My.God.

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  (405): So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid (1-405): Oh.My.God. http://tfl.nu/b4yo
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  (713): View more from Texas

  eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"

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  (713): eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae" http://tfl.nu/afr2
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  (512): View more from Texas

  dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.

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  (512): dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce. http://tfl.nu/89y8
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  (626): View more from California

  What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"

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  (626): What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?" http://tfl.nu/e6g5
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide

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  (513): Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide http://tfl.nu/gj7h
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.

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  (860): i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him. http://tfl.nu/6b9m
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.

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  (203): When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you. http://tfl.nu/1g0q
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth

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  (407): I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth http://tfl.nu/po8w
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  (904): View more from Florida

  Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'

  (1-904): View more from Florida

  wtf?

  (904): View more from Florida

  It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'

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  (904): Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum' (1-904): wtf? (904): It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend' http://tfl.nu/kgyk
  Replies (14) Good night (4268) Bad night (741)